I’ve always thought that my problem was people. Everywhere I go, always with the people! People getting all up in my face. People messing with my shite. I keep thinking that life would be much more bearable without the people.
Then I noticed the flaw in my little theory. Some of my best friends are people. I do a fair approximation of being a people myself from time to time. I realised it wasn’t all people who were the problem. It’s just the stupid people. And I think I know how they manage to be such a problem: the rest of us are too damn nice to them.
Darwinism tells us these stupid motherfuckers should be dead. But we do our best to keep them safe. We protect them and coddle them. I tell you, not actively punishing stupidity is the same thing as rewarding stupidity. It’s time we put a stop to this nonsense.
To that end I say we start by taking the warning labels off everything. That’s right, you heard me, the warning labels. The sooner, the better. No more will we have to worry about Sally Stupid when she decides that swallowing a liter of Drano is a good idea. No more home dentistry with rotary tools! No more “may cause drowsiness”. Let the fuckers pass out at the wheel and drive off a bridge, all the better for the rest of us I say! The list could go on endlessly. Hell do a google search, you’ll turn up hundreds of stupid labels without even trying.
Let Chaos Reign! Or Kill them all, God will know his own. Decide amongst yourselves, I’m not picky. While you’re at it, do your homework in the dark and eat your cereal with a fork!
(This dose of rampant cynicism was brought you by the drug of choice for Malcontents everywhere: Alcohol. The source of and answer to all of life’s problems.)