If Tolkien had been Japanese, would he have written LoTR in Haiku?

Or perhaps it would have turned into a manga/hentai story with Frodo, Sam, Merry, and Pippin as teenage girls in sailor suits and Aragorn as a bishonen with long, flowing hair. Legolas, could be a bishonen elf with long, flowing ears. Gollum would be a tentacle monster and Frodo would keep the ring in her panties. Gandalf would shout things like “Super-bridge-breaking fire strike!” and “White tree cleansing uterus!” when casting his spells.


Yeah… I should probably just go to bed now rather than continue down this sordid path. Oh shit, too late… *shudder*

I just incorporated the above visual image with the MTV movie award variation of Elrond’s Council in FoTR… *shudder*

Let’s get this bitch to mount doom takes on a whole new meaning for me now, and not in a good way.

(If you don’t know what I’m talking about, go here for instructions on how to view the scene yourself as an easter egg on the dvds).