Five Things

Five things I have, but do not want:

An increasingly insurmountable level of debt. While I believe that in this day and age, with all our crass consumerism and living beyond our means, that some level of debt is inevitable it certainly would be nice to not have to worry about it affecting me.

A bothersomely nosy family. I love my family dearly, don’t get me wrong, but I’d love them all the more if I could just not have to see them regularly or justify my life to them on a daily basis. I like my personal space and solitude and it’s long past time that I had some of it.

Bad eyesight. I hate having to put my contacts in to practically do anything these days. There was a time when I could putter around the house comfortably without any sort of ocular assistance (and despite the relative blindness I still do on occasion) but when you have to squint to watch television that’s only a meter and a half away you know those days are long done. Oh for a pair of brainy specs…

Insomnia. While I love being a night owl and find that I am much more productive during the hours of 5pm and 3am than any other time, it currently doesn’t lend itself well to socialization with the rest of the world. Even when I want, nay, need to get up early my sleep habits don’t often approve and I end up going to bed around sunup regardless.

A dog whose gaseous discharges smell worse than the deepest, dankest Hadean pit imaginable.

Five things I want, but do not have:

A job. Currently this is my highest priority. I’d love to be doing something I enjoy and getting paid well for it but barring that I’d be satisfied with having something that will keep the debt collectors off my back for another month or two.

A significant other (a.k.a. a girlfriend). Odd as that may seem with my penchant for solitude but I really would like to have someone in my life that actually understands me, has similar interests, is easy on the eyes and isn’t going to disappear like mist come morning. Any takers?

A talent for writing. I can write, as the archives of this blog can readily attest to, but I have no illusions as to my ability. I’m mediocre at best and I really wish I wasn’t. Is there such a thing as having perfect pitch and range in writing?

Somewhere to store all my stuff. While I’m sure cluttered disorganization and precariously stacked piles of books are all the rage in clich├ęd descriptions of academia everywhere, I’d much prefer to have a series of shelves to store and display them on. It’d be nice to also have drawers to put clothes in as well instead of the five or so packing boxes that they currently exist in. A place for everything, and everything in it’s place. Wouldn’t you agree?

The ability to travel in time. Honestly, I’d love to be able to go back and experience (and change) history. I’d love to see how events unfolded, how things were made and how people interacted.

Five things I neither have, nor want:

Infinite power. As the adage goes, power corrupts and I know full well that I’m of the corruptible sort, regardless of how rose-coloured my self perception may be at times.

Fame. I don’t even want my 15 minutes (or seconds these days). I’ll just continue to hover anonymously in the background and laugh at the rest of you.

A Macintosh. Honestly people, what’s with the perceived elitist crap attitude? It’s just a computer. Get the fuck over it and yourself.

A kitten. Cats are all well and good, but I’ll take a big, idiot dog any day of the week (despite his gaseous nature).

A sexy underwear drawer. Yeah, scary thought isn’t it. Let’s not go there.