Do Penguins Really Fly?

In short, yes they do.

I know many of you have pondered this question since the dawn of, well, the discovery of penguins I guess. Do they really fly or is it all just a myth presented by biologists and naturalists in an effort to sell advertising on nature shows for the Discovery channel?

As this question really needs to be answered and as it has bothered me for some time now, I decided to do my part for the world and do some scientific research of my own.

After many tests and false starts I have concluded that yes, penguins do fly. On average they fly about 495.2 feet with the longest recorded flight being 593.5 feet. Especially long flights were recorded after the introduction of the baseball bat wielding Yeti who was used as a cheerleader and morale booster for the test penguins involved.

I encourage you all to not believe my results1 until you’ve tested the theory for yourselves. The scientific community needs able bodied testers like yourselves to help further research into brave new technologies for the pengiun community.

1 Personal results may vary. Consult a physician.